Don’t Shoot The Messenger

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dont shoot the piano player

I’ve never written a book before Diary of a Gay Nerd, so when it comes to having a social media website to advertise for my book, I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. I do know that I should be advertising my book, like all day, which is the point of having a Facebook page specifically for my book, but I don’t want to shove it down people’s throats. I feel like if people are a fan of my Facebook page, they know it’s a book, so if they like me, then they will buy my book.

I didn’t write it to make money, I wrote it to get my side of the story out. So instead of it being an advertisement for my book, I share pictures and articles that hit a nerve because it may have something to do with how I was treated as a child, teen or adult, and basically to say “See! It’s happening to other people as well.”

Earlier this year I shared an image for women that was basically saying don’t hit your girlfriend or wife. It was an image for domestic violence. I also mentioned in my comment that this applies to women, children and your pets. Don’t hit anyone because no one deserves to be hit. Well, that pissed one man off who I can only assume is either a wife abuser, or the victim of domestic abuse by his female domestic partner. He called me a sexist for standing up for women. Sir, I am sorry if you were abused by a woman, but don’t hold all women accountable for your situation. If you are an abuser, then well, you know where you can go. But don’t call me a sexist for standing up for what I believe, because I think that women should be treated with dignity and respect.

A couple of months ago there was a story about a man who left his child in the car while he was at work. I simply shared the story. I gave no opinion of him as a person, I simply said how sad for the child. Someone verbally attacked me because she thought I was attacking him, and that I should give him a break because people make mistakes and he was probably thinking he dropped the kid off at day care or whatever. Then over the next couple of weeks we found out that he had lied to police and that not only did he leave his child in the car on purpose, but he Googled how long it would take for an animal to die in a car. He was also sexting with someone who was not his wife while his child was dying in the car. But I’m the asshole for sharing the story.

That brings me to yesterday when I shared a story of a man who was yelling at someone because he didn’t like gay people. He kept saying “Cause this is America!” and he used the word faggot and queer several times before kicking a man in a pink shirt in the groin, then proceeded to punch him in the face and on the head before being tackled by a group of people who were only trying to help the man who was being beat up. The whole thing was caught on tape and yet some person shared the story on their personal profile saying she did not find the article on CNN or any Dallas news websites, so it is obviously … Well, let me show you her comment so you can see.

ponce

So since they couldn’t find it on any Dallas news website, I decided to look into it, and guess what I found? Go ahead, guess.

http://crimeblog.dallasnews.com/2014/10/video-shows-passengers-police-at-dallasfort-worth-international-airport-stopping-an-anti-gay-attack-at-gate.html/

“The Dallas Morning News” blog

“When asked to confirm its authenticity, DFW spokesperson Cynthia Vega says. “Yes, it did happen, and yes, there was an arrest.” We do not know the name of the man taken into custody.Vega is not even sure when it took place: Wednesday or Thursday. We sent the videographer some questions via Facebook earlier today, and await his reply. We have also asked for the police report, and will update when it is made available.”

Sooo…

Look, I am not an expert at knowing what to do and what not to do with a Facebook page for a book, because no one is telling me what I should and should not post. I am on my own here, so if I am doing it wrong I would like to know. I’ve been doing this for almost 3 years and I’ve only had a few complaints. I think I’m doing pretty good.

If you don’t like a story, fine, but don’t shoot the messenger, because I did not write that story, I did not video record the fight or the man being arrested, and I did not stage anything. I shared the article because it hit a nerve. I’ve been yelled at and called a queer and a faggot, so that hit a nerve. I’ve been kicked in the groin by a homophobe, so that hit a nerve. I’ve been punched in the face and in the head by a homophobe, several in fact, and guess what it hit? A nerve! So yeah, I’m going to share the article without verifying it because it looked real to me, and there was no reason to think it wasn’t real.

So CNN didn’t report on this story, okay, so what. I am sure there are literally a thousand stories like this per day that they cannot report on. The local news websites probably didn’t report on it because they are waiting for the videographer to respond to them, hence their crime blog saying they “will update when it is made available.”

If you want to form an opinion of me as a person, or my book as a book, or my Facebook page as a page based on whether I share credible stories from CNN, you are going to have a hard time in life because even the most credible news sources make mistakes from time to time. Fox News reported on a story that turned out to be satire. So tell me again how it’s my responsibility to share ONLY credible news stories again.

If someone wants to stop following me, I can’t control that, but do me a favor, don’t shame me on your profile, because I did not do anything wrong. I shared the story and other credible Facebook pages shared the same story. Are you going to unfollow them too, or was I targeted because you wanted a reason to stop following me?

All I can say to any of these people who hold me accountable for other people’s actions is good luck and have a nice life.

Don’t Yell!

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YellingAtKids

The last time I blogged, it was about hitting. Don’t Hit! Today I would like to talk about something that I am sure everyone has done and has had done to them in their life.

Let’s have a scenario. Say your child just said something that pissed you off so much that you stood there yelling at him or her until your voice was hoarse. Your child is standing there crying their eyes out because they had no idea it was wrong until now. Does yelling really teach them anything? Perhaps you spent an hour yelling at them and they do it again. They knew it was wrong because you told them, but they do it anyway because they want to get a rise out of you, or because they just don’t care. Do you think you should yell at them some more?

I just wonder, what good was yelling if they didn’t learn from it? Isn’t there a better way to get your point across to them without yelling? You could just sit down and explain to them the consequences of their actions. Do you think if they had a back story of why it is important to you that they never do that thing again, that it might help them learn not repeat the same action?

Here is a good example. When I was a teenager, my step father yelled at me, and I was actually the same height as he was, but I was starting to tower over him. I stood there looking into his eyes, but I honestly wasn’t listening to a word he was saying. You know how when you are getting yelled at by someone and you look at their left eye, then their right, then left, then right etc.? That’s what I was doing. I had no idea what he was saying to me because by then I was so tired of being yelled at on a daily basis that all I heard was blah blah blah blah. I didn’t learn anything because I was yelled at for the most trivial things. If he had just calmly spoke to me like I was a human being, I probably would have paid attention to every word he said.

Yelling at people is not going to change the fact that it happened. So something stupid happens, so what, get over it. I don’t like the fact that my back-up hard drive crashed and I lost 1/4 of my back-ups. I got over it. I was glad that I managed to copy 3/4 of the files to my new hard drive before it crashed. There isn’t anyone to yell at and I know I didn’t do anything wrong, and even if I did do something wrong, there was still nothing I could have done to prevent the hard drive from crashing. Shit happens! Life’s a bitch, get over it.

I used to get so angry because my partner Chip would jump into the room and surprise me and scare the piss out of me. The first couple of times I laughed it off, but the next 200 times it would make me so angry that I would literally slam my hands onto the desk, rip my glasses off my face and throw them across the room and yell at him at the  top of my lungs to stop. But he obviously didn’t learn from that because he just laughed it off and he kept doing it, and I fell for it day after day, sometimes several times a day. I scare easily, but that’s not his fault or his problem. Him doing that to me and not learning from my yelling at him didn’t teach him to stop doing it, but it did teach me to stop yelling at him because it doesn’t do any good. When I calmly explained to him that I don’t like being scared on a daily basis, he stopped doing it to me.

We hardly ever fight because we have both learned that when life hands you lemons, make some lemonade.  I’m just saying that life is too short to spend it yelling at the world. You aren’t wasting anyone’s life but your own. Yelling is pointless, so just stop.