My Birthday E-Book Giveaway

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From May 20th to June 2nd, I had a giveaway on the Goodreads website as my birthday present to you.  I was humbled by the response that I got when I saw that 328 people wanted to win a free signed paperback copy of my book.  I wanted to offer an ebook giveaway as well, but Goodreads only allowed paperback giveaways, so I am offering the ebook giveaway here on my blog instead.

If you want to win a free ebook, all you have to do is leave a comment, it’s that easy.  Just tell me what ebook reader you have, Sony, Nook, Kindle, android, iPad, iPhone, iPod or whatever you own and WordPress will choose 2 winners at random from the comments.  The free giveaway begins today and will end at midnight on Friday, June 8th 2012.  Make sure you enter a valid email address because that is how I will send the file, and make sure you give me your name so I can sign it to you as well.

Good luck 😀

I have a comment spam filter which will automatically delete a comment if it looks like spam.  So if you are a real person who wants to win my ebook, please use your real name and your real email address and don’t use any links in your comments otherwise it will be considered spam.  Just type in your comments what device you have, thank you.

Update: Thank you all for playing along.  There were 2 winners Jason and Angelica.  I am in a good mood and since only 3 people played, I am giving all 3 of you an ebook for your device.  I will email the winners and let them know when the ebook will be ready.

My Goodreads Book Giveaway

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Guess who is turning 4?  Er um I mean 42?  It’s ME!  So for my 42nd birthday, I want to give some books away to my Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus and my Blog friends.  How do you get book?  Enter at Goodreads and you could win one of two signed paperback books that I am offering.  Enter for your chance to win today.

Diary of a Gay Nerd by Michel McDonaldGoodreads Book Giveaway
Diary of a Gay Nerd
by Michel McDonald

Released February 02 2012
Giveaway ends in on June 02, 2012
2 copies available giveaway details » Enter to win
 

I Haven’t Been Blogging As Much As I’d Like To…

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I spent every waking minute on the computer on Facebook browsing through all of the posts that have to do with gay rights issues and I don’t give myself any time to blog.  My intention for creating this blog was to voice my opinion about those issues, but instead I end up sharing them on Facebook along with my 2 cents.  I also haven’t been on Twitter or Google+ either because Facebook takes up all of my time.

I would love to start reading actual books again because I would love the distraction.  I started reading Heaven Cent which is a Xanth novel before I started writing my book, but then my book distracted me from that and I have yet to finish it.  I did read 100 Frogs by Alice Badler before I finished editing my book to give me a break from my own book, and her book is an amazing book and I suggest anyone who is using any dating sites or are thinking of using them to read her book first and find out how she experienced it.

Anyway, getting back to my original thought… lol.  I would like to start blogging again so don’t give up on me yet.  I may not blog daily, but I will do what I can when I can think of something to go on a rant about lol.

Keyboard Warrior

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When I published my book at the beginning of February, I told the vice president of the Bakersfield chapter of PFLAG that I was going to be donating some of the profits to their organization.  I was asked if I wanted to promote the book by speaking at a PFLAG meeting and I was hesitant because I am barely good with one person, but a whole room full of people?  I wanted to do it, but at the same time I knew that I would end up forgetting everything I wanted to say and my whole body would begin to shake.

Last night was the night that I was supposed to do it.  Before I got up there I had already started sweating, particularly on the top of my bald head.  When I did go up, my whole body started to shake and I basically blacked out.  All of the blood in my whole body rushed up to my head and my vision became dark so I could barely see anyone.  I was looking at people in the front two rows trying to see, but I was having difficulty.

I wrote a little 30 second script that I had memorized, and as soon as I got up there I forgot everything that I was going to say so I had to make it up as I went.  That can be very dangerous because when I make things up as I go, I’m not thinking about what I’m saying, the words just get blurted out without any editing so anything could come out.  I have nervous tourettes so I was lucky I didn’t start shouting obscenities.

I am a keyboard warrior.  I spend 16 hours a day looking at Twitter, Facebook and Google+ searching and reading articles about LGBT and equal rights issues, transgendered issues, It Gets Better stories and videos and signing petitions.  I want to learn about what the politicians are doing and why they are doing it, but mainly I want to make other people aware of the issues which is why I post a lot of things on my Facebook wall, Twitter not so much but I’m working on it.

My point is, I can sit at the computer for 16 hours a day chatting with people I don’t know and not break a sweat, but I have zero social skills when it comes to standing in front of a crowd, or heck, even standing in front of one person.

I think the reason I am so shy is because I have been wronged in public by so many people, that I have just crawled into my own dark hole and refuse to exist in the world with humanity.  I don’t want to be this way, but that is my reality.  I would like to leave the house more often which is why I started getting involved with the gay community here in Bakersfield, because I want to get out there and do something positive.

One of the things I would like to do is get down to the Gay and Lesbian center and just sit at a table and play games with people.  I think that will get me out of the house and it will put me in front of actual human beings and not a screen.  Maybe I can build from there and work my way back to a crowd of people I know instead of strangers.  Perhaps that will help me build better social skills.

Here are some embarrassing pictures of me at the PFLAG meeting that Chip took on his iPhone 4S (yes I had to include that he has Siri lol).  I knew I was big, but I didn’t know to what extent.  I need to either start wearing prints, plaid in particular, or go on a crash diet, well, I am supposed to be doing that anyway to lose weight, maybe these pictures will be my motivation.

Believe it or not, I have BDD which is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, although I’d like to take the disorder out and call it Body Dysmorphia.  Even though I have BD(D) and I hate the way I look and I would never post pictures of myself like this any other time, I have come to realize that when people see me at the grocery store, they see me as I am, so posting a horrible picture here doesn’t make any difference than those people looking at me standing in front of them.  It’s basically the same thing, right?  So there are the pictures.  They are small BECAUSE of my BD LOL.

I was told last night that I needed to come out of my shell, I want to so I am working on it.

No Apologies

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When I began writing my book, it was not with the intentions of hurting anyone’s feelings. I dug deep down into my memories so I could write what happened to me in my life. It brought up so many bad feelings that I had at the time so when I wrote it, my feelings were hurt all over again. Even though I had forgiven people for what they said or did to me, I felt like I had to type the memories out as if I were still living the experience, as if my feelings were still hurt to convey how it made me feel because I didn’t want to sugar coat anything.

It took me years to write my book because I struggled with the consequences of writing it, like someone yelling at me and telling me that they never wanted to talk to me again or whatever, and today that happened. One particular family member emailed me saying I lied and didn’t mention things that I did mention and unfriended me on Facebook. Although my feelings were hurt that I was accused of lying, as always, but at the same time, this person has not been in my life for a very long time. She has chosen to distance herself from me because I don’t speak with other family members who she is closer to. I don’t know if that is the real reason for her distance, but as it is we haven’t spoken in a long time so what difference does it make if she no longer speaks to me now?

Look, I didn’t lie and I didn’t twist the truth in my book. It took me a long time to write it and I had to really pull out all of the memories with 100% accuracy which meant digging deep and rewriting as I could remember what really happened. My memories were twisted because I wasn’t sure of the chronology of the events, but getting down to it made me remember everything. It does hurt to be told that I did things that I never did and that I didn’t do things that I did, but that is what those certain people have been doing to me my whole life.

The person who has cut herself out of my life today has not read my book and that is obvious because she told me that I left things out that I clearly put in there. When she has read all 400 pages of my paper book, or 293 pages of my e-book then we’ll talk, but as far as I am concerned, she doesn’t know what she is talking about.

When I wrote my book I had to really think if this is what I wanted to do. I had to tell myself that once it was published I couldn’t take it back. I had to write something that I would never apologize for writing because I know it was true. The relationship will probably never be repaired, but it has been broken for too many years anyway so it was only a matter of time before it all fell to pieces. It’s too bad that it had to happen and I am not going to blame myself because I didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who was mentally and physically abused, I was the one who was homeless and I was the one who was molested and raped. I wanted to tell my story so people would see that I was able to fix my life and I made it better.

I am not sorry and nobody can make me feel guilty about writing the truth.