My niece found and then lost me

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I have waited a long time to share this story because I didn’t want to write it with the emotions I was feeling at the time. I wanted to be at peace before taking about it so my emotions won’t dictate how I write it.

So on May 21st 2022 my niece, my older sister’s daughter, contacted me on Facebook. She told me that she had been searching for me for 2 years and she was starting to think I was dead. No one would tell her anything because in my personal opinion, they didn’t want her to find me. My parents did the same thing to my grandparents and my aunts. They didn’t want those people to be in my life because I think they knew I would tell them everything that my family had done to me in my life. So I feel like my sister’s didn’t want me to tell my niece anything.

My niece called me the first night when she found me and we had a long conversation. Then we basically just texted each other and never spoke on the phone again.

The day before my birthday I got a message from my sister on Facebook messenger. See my previous blog post. I know it was stupid of me to message my niece, and I own my stupidity. I texted her and asked her if her mother told her she didn’t know where to find me and she said yes and I sent her a screenshot of her mother saying happy birthday to me and I said for someone who doesn’t know how to find me, she sure does know where I am. I then said that my oldest sister sends me a happy birthday every year, but my younger sister hasn’t. She said well she’s has her reasons, to which I said I know the reason and I’ll tell you. She did not like that response.

When I said I’ll tell you, she thought I was going to bash my younger sister, but that was hardly my intention. You see, I loaned my stepdad money in 1999 and he promised to pay it back several times and after refusing to pay it back, I threatened to take him to small claims court. So I am the reason she is mad at me. But I didn’t get a chance to say that.

She responded to me that I don’t talk shit within the family blah blah blah and I don’t want you in my family anymore. I sent her 3 messages saying no I’m not talking negatively about anyone, I’m the reason she is mad at me and then a week passed and she said, and I quote…

I don’t take words like that lightly. I would never say that to anyone no matter how much they pissed me off or how upset I am with them. And I did not think that I said anything wrong because I didn’t actually say anything about my sister. I blocked her immediately because those words are unacceptable and unforgivable. I take responsibility for starting it, but I don’t think that I did anything wrong.

Fast forward one month and she sends me another text message from another phone number and she spoke to me like nothing happened and she said this is her new phone number. You don’t come back to me a month later acting like nothing happened, like you didn’t say what you said to me. So of course I blocked that new phone number.

My mental health is the most important thing for me, as it should be because I have had a lifetime of heartache and abuse from my family. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. No matter how upset I am with any family member, I would never say that. And you cannot take that back, and you don’t get to pretend you didn’t say that and act like everything is ok. Nothing is ok. So, I’m done with her too.

And now that this is said and done, I’ll need some sage and meditation to get rid of this negative energy.

Family is not about blood

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They say blood is thicker than water. Well, if that is true, why are so many parents kicking their LGBT children out of the house? Why are so many siblings burning their bridges over something trivial? Blood may be thicker than water, but you don’t have to be blood related to be family.

I was homeless when I was 15 and again when I was 17, and neither time was by choice. No one chooses to be homeless. There are children on the streets because their family gave up on them when they came out of the closet. Children are selling their bodies for sex so they can eat and have a roof over their heads. They are getting hooked on drugs, being raped and in most cases getting murdered because they are LGBT. Why is that, because they were gay? No, because their BLOOD tossed them into the streets to fend for themselves. Some are killing themselves because of the rejection.

Trust me when I say that blood is not thicker than water. Not just anyone can be your family, but that all depends on who YOU consider to be family. I have friends who I consider family more than my sisters and one cousin. I have a friend from when we lived in Van Nuys who I haven’t seen since 1981, but we are Facebook friends and I consider him more of a brother than I ever considered either of my sisters and my cousin. I have friends here in the Bakersfield gay community who I consider family. There is a family who just recently moved to Arizona who I barely got to know, and I consider them family more than my sisters and my cousin.

So just know that if you treat your own blood like crap, you may think that you are not replaceable, but trust me honey, you are. You need them more than they need you, so don’t treat your gay children, siblings or cousins like crap. If you never hear from them again, maybe think next time before you tell them they are going to hell, or in my cousins case, think before you tell them that you are voting for Prop 8 because he doesn’t think your relationship is worth a piece of paper.