My Family is Reading My Book


I was nervous to tell my family about my book because I wasn’t sure what their reactions would be.  Some family members were furious, while others who had already read it in February were able to give me some constructive criticism, while others are still reading it.

One of my aunts has a Kindle so I was able to send it to her immediately, the other two aunts had to wait for the paperback book.  The last time I spoke with my aunt in Simi Valley, she was on Chapter 5 which is the same chapter one of my cousins is currently on.  I don’t expect them to read it all in a few days because it is a big book, but I’m curious to know how they feel about me when they finish it.

Letting a stranger read my life story is one thing because they won’t care about me one way or the other when they finish, but a family member is different because if they don’t like it then I have lost a family member and possibly even cousins who share their dislike.  I don’t want anyone to think poorly of me, but at the same time, like my aunt in Simi Valley told me, that’s their problem.


Double Vision (Book Excerpt)


I was walking our dog Flower a few days ago and I left my glasses on my desk.  I didn’t want to have to go get them just to take her out so decided that I would deal.  Well, I was standing there looking at her and started thinking about something that I mentioned in Chapter 4 “My Strange Premonitions” that I “saw two of everything.”  Here is that excerpt.

“I was a huge fan of swimming pools. My sister learned how to do the backwards flip, but I was too afraid to try that because I knew I was too uncoordinated. I saw two of everything because my eyes are a little crossed and sometimes as I was walking toward the door to the hallway to go to my bedroom, I would walk into the wall instead. I didn’t know why I was doing that, but everyone thought it was hilarious. My mother called me Mr. Magoo when she saw me walk into the walls.”

I decided to go back in the house and get my phone so I could take a picture of Flower and then go into Gimp (photo shop) so I could add a layer to show how I see the world.  My eyes have always been like that since I can remember.  It never bothered me when I was a kid so I never said anything about it.  I actually thought it was normal so it never even occurred to me that something was wrong.

When I was 27 years old we got our first Windows PC.  We had a 15″ monitor which was very hard on my eyes so I started wearing reading glasses to see the screen.  That wasn’t a very good thing for my eyes and so I ruined them.  I got a prescription in 1998 and have been wearing glasses ever since.  In 2001 I had to go get a new pair and a new exam and the doctor turned on a little red light and asked me how many lights I saw and I said two, he added some prisms to see if I could still see two until I eventually saw one.  He asked me if I always saw two of everything and I told him yes and he said that wasn’t normal.   Well, it has always been normal to me.  A month had passed and I got my new glasses, but the prisms hurt my eyes.  I was told to keep wearing them all the time and my eyes won’t hurt anymore and I will see one of everything and I have been wearing prisms ever since.

The double vision never bothered me, but now if I don’t wear glasses the double vision actually hurts.  I hate my glasses, but there is nothing I can do about it.  I actually don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore without them.  Even though I hate them, I can’t live without them.

Oh and the Mr. Magoo comment, I thought that was hilarious when my mother called me that so I never took that negatively.  I still don’t because I am basically Mr. Magoo without my glasses now.

Forever Love Rings


Chip and I have been together for a very long time.  Our 18 year anniversary will be on March 25th and to celebrate our love, I am buying rings.  This is the ring that I have chosen because it says “Forever Love” on the top with a cubic zirconia in between the words.  I think it’s a nice color and it would make a great wedding ring if we were ever allowed to get married.

I wear a size 13 and Chip wears a size 7.  It is a humongous difference and the website where I bought my ring doesn’t have it in a size 7.  I haven’t bought his ring yet because I have to find out if they can re-size it because the smallest size they have is 8.  If they don’t then I will have to put a dab of hot glue in his so it doesn’t slip off his skinny finger lol.

This will be the first relationship ring that I have worn in over 20 years.  The last one that I wore was taken away from me by my partner who lost his when he went to jail for drunk driving.  The jail didn’t give him his ring back so he took mine.  I haven’t worn a ring since then and I look forward to finally wearing another ring.

Just in case anyone is wondering, from what I understand gay people wear their rings on the right hand instead of the left hand.  That was how it was in 1991 when I wore my first ring.  If I wore it on the left hand, that says that my relationship is no different from a straight relationship, but I prefer the right hand because I like to be different.  So it shall be the right hand.

My ring wasn’t expensive and not because I’m cheap or because I’m poor, well that second one has something to do with it, but because this is the ring that I want and it just so happens that it was on sale when I bought it for only $24 at  The shipping was only $2 which made it even more worth the small price.  It is coming to me via USPS which means it will take a few days to get to me, maybe longer since it’s coming from Florida.

I can’t wait to get it and I can’t wait to give Chip his ring on our 18 year anniversary later this month.  He doesn’t read this blog so don’t tell him… it’s a secret.

“V” (Book Excerpt)


V was a show that originally aired in 1983, but we didn’t see it until NBC re-aired the mini series in 1984 before they aired the new weekly series.  This show is what gave me my  relationship with my mother, even if it was only for one hour a week.  Here is an excerpt from my book “Diary of a Gay Nerd: Life After Child Abuse, It Gets Better.”

“This one show came on TV which was a mini series called V about these aliens who came to earth to get help, but they really wanted to help themselves to humans. I thought that was really cool. It lasted for a few days and then it turned into a weekly TV show. My aunt didn’t want to watch it, but my mom and I liked it so we would watch it together in her room. My mother and I weren’t friendly with each other; we were always fighting because I was always being accused of doing things that I didn’t do and this show brought us together every week. I would lay down on her bed with her and watch TV and it made me feel closer to her.

“It was funny that everyone in the house was refusing to watch V because they thought it was cheesy, but they would sit and watch Dynasty, as if that wasn’t cheesy. I think that was what made V more special for me because the one person I wanted to get along with actually wanted to watch it with me. It became our thing.

“I had trouble reading and comprehending books so it was very rare that you would ever see me read. Whenever I would try to read my school books, I would forget what I was reading almost immediately. It was like the memory of the words were disappearing just as fast as I could read them, so I didn’t think I could read a novel. My mother, Aunt Sherri and sister Sarah were always reading novels by V.C. Andrews and Stephen King and I envied them all because I really wanted to read too, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

“We were at the grocery store and I saw the novel for V written by A.C. Crispin. I asked my mom if she would buy it for me and she gave me a look as if to say that I wasn’t smart enough, but she humored me and bought it for me anyway. I was so happy because I remember being told “the book is better than the movie” about everything and I figured if I could read the book, then I would get a better understanding of the show. Not that I needed a better understanding, I just wanted to get more out of it.

“I tried to read the V novel. I think I read half of the book and then stopped reading it because my brain just couldn’t handle it. I wanted to keep trying to read it because I really loved that show. I liked to read it because I had the image of every actor in the show in my head. My favorite part in the book was also in the mini series when Diana was eating a guinea pig and her jaw unhinged while Mike Donovan was in the air shaft watching her. I even had the bad special effect images of her jaw unhinging in my head and that made me laugh.

“Every so often, I would get the book out and try to go back to where I left off, but when I started reading, I would forget what I had already read before that. I think I read that book from the beginning about five or six times, but I never got past the middle.”

I talked about a scene where Diana unhinged her jaw, well, I mean did she really have a jaw to unhinge?  She was a lizard.  Anyway, here is a visual of what I was talking about.


I was so beyond thrilled when ABC brought “V” back as a reboot.  Although the story was the same, everything was different.  I’ve seen the original many times so I wasn’t really looking for an exact duplicate so I was happy that they gave it a whole new spin.  Not everyone felt the same way and so the show didn’t last very long.

When the second season came and I heard that Jane Badler was going to be in it, I had to follow her on Twitter so I could see what she was saying about the show.  I tweeted her to show my enthusiasm for the show and she actually tweeted me back.  She has actually tweeted me back on several occasions.  That is the coolest thing about Twitter.

Unfortunately the show came to an end and Diana was killed by Anna.  Nobody has any idea how bad that made me feel.  I know it’s just a show, but that show represented something for me.  It represented my mother and I getting along for one hour a week and seeing Diana get killed like that seemed to finalize everything for me.

I will always have the memory of Diana in the original V and I will never forget her for her change in attitude in the new series.  She was a villain in the 80’s, but she became my queen in 2011.  I will never forget her.  Long live the queen!

OK that just sounded cheesy lol.

My Paper Book at CreateSpace


The e-book version of my book will always be available for the Kindle at Amazon and the Nook at Barnes & Noble and in other formats from for only $6.99.  If you don’t have an e-book reader then you can buy the paper book version at CreateSpace for $16.99.  It will be available on Amazon in 5-7 business days from today and I will add another post when it becomes available.

I was going to wait until it was available through Amazon because I’m sure some people would be more willing to buy from a company they know and trust.  CreateSpace is who is publishing the book and they are an Amazon Company so it doesn’t really matter where you get it from.

My book is print-on-demand and they usually print it immediately.  I ordered my proof copy on Monday and got it today.  It was shipped to me from North Charleston, SC and it only took a few days via UPS so you won’t have to worry about it taking a long time to get to you.

Thank you for taking an interest in my book and I look forward to hearing what you think of it.

A New Paper Book Proof


I got my first paper book proof last week on Wednesday and have been working hard reading the whole book to make sure there weren’t any mistakes.  Unfortunately I found many.  I worked hard to read the whole book again in just a few days so I could correct all of the errors so that I could republish the e-book files and order another proof.  Done and done!

I republished everything last night and today the e-book files went live again with the updated file.  Tonight I got an email saying that my paper book was ready for me to order a proof which I did.  So now all I can do is wait for it to arrive and hope there are no new errors that I might have missed lol.  I probably should read the whole thing again before the proof gets here.  I’m pretty sure it’s all good now and I have nothing to worry about.  Then again that’s what I said when I originally published my book lol.

I’m tired.  Not just because it’s 1:30 A.M., but because I am tired of reading my book so many times.  Writing it only took 2, maybe 2 1/2 months, the rest of the 7 months was all editing.  I read my book about 50 to 100 times, I lost count so I can’t even say how many times I’ve read it.  I just want to wash my hands of the whole thing and say it’s finished, buy it lol.  But, it’s my baby and I want to give it all of the attention it desires.  It is my first book and if I plan on writing any future books I have to get used to reading it again and again and again until I can’t see ANY errors at all.  But that would be obsessive compulsive, which is why I published it when I did lol.

Ok seriously, it’s 1:30 A.M., I am exhausted so goodnight!