I am so done with my sister

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When I published my book in 2012, my older sister unfriended me on Facebook and cut ties with me, which I knew would happen. I hadn’t heard from her until my 50th birthday in 2020 when I noticed she had messaged me on my old Facebook account. I missed her happy birthday in 2019, but saw the one in 2020. I don’t know what made her message me. I would message her from that for the holidays and her birthday and she wished me a happy birthday this year on my birthday.

Every time I talk with her on Facebook messenger, I try to build a bridge. I tell her I love her and our younger sister and that I’m sorry about how things happened and I’m sorry about my book etc. And every time, she lights a match to burn that bridge before I have a chance to build the frame.

My sister makes me think she is right about everything and I don’t have all the right details. She made me doubt myself and took away my confidence our whole lives. But this time she said something to me that is so unforgivable and also she has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. She doesn’t know every detail about everything she wasn’t there to witness. And she told me I pulled things out of the air to write about in my book. This makes me wonder if she’s referring to things she doesn’t know about.

The unforgivable thing she told me was that my mom died because of me. My mom willed herself to die of a heart attack in her sleep because she didn’t want me to die from AIDS before she died because she didn’t want to bury her child. Here is what happened.

In 1991, I was diagnosed with HIV. I had asymptomatic HIV. For those who don’t know what that means, it means I had HIV, but no symptoms that would make me sick. I had no symptoms of AIDS. I made the mistake of telling my sister and I specifically told her “don’t tell mom”. Or anyone for that matter because that is something I need to tell people. It’s not for you to tell anyone. She didn’t waste any time telling our mother, and she told our mother I had AIDS.

My sister doesn’t know, and had absolutely no reason to know, but I talked to my mom every day before she died. She knew my HIV status, she knew everything that I knew because every time I went to the doctor, I told my mother what the doctor said about my health. My mom knew I didn’t have AIDS and she knew I would be healthy for a very long time. My sister didn’t know anything because I stopped trusting her when she told my mom something I asked her not to tell. I said that I didn’t actually have an AIDS diagnosis until a year after our mother died, and she said “that’s not how I remember it, but I won’t rehash that.” You won’t rehash what? Facts that you didn’t even know because you weren’t there?

My mother didn’t “will” herself to die at age 42. She died from a heart attack in her sleep. My mother was overweight like I am. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea at age 34 and they told me it’s genetic and that I could literally die from a heart attack in my sleep if I don’t have sleep therapy. So that tells me right there that my mother died from a heart attack in her sleep because she most likely had sleep apnea and didn’t know.

After this conversation with my sister, I can’t explain it, but I feel somewhat vindicated. My sister can pretend to know more than me, but I was there and she wasn’t. Things that happened to me happened TO ME and I remember them. She told me that I don’t remember things because I had seizures as a child. That doesn’t make me lose my memories lol.

Anyway, I downloaded all my messages from Facebook so I have a record of the things she has said to me, and I set that Facebook account for deletion. Deleting that old account where she messages me is a symbol of deleting her from my life effective immediately. I am so done with her. I feel free. I am free.

The Reviews Are In!

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I love hearing what people think about my book and was pleasantly surprised to get this private message on Facebook today.  Of course I asked for her permission to post this and she gave me the okie dokie.

Hello there!

I just finished your book. Wow. I will review on Amazon later but wanted to just tell you a few things.

First and foremost, if I ever wrote a book, it would be probably in the same style as you wrote yours. I will admit it took me a bit to get into that style and be able to read it. Once I figured out where you were coming from it went so much smoother.

I believe you. I believe all of what you wrote. Why? Because of how you told your story. No glitz, no fancy editing. Almost like we spent the afternoon together chatting. I also believe you because of my childhood. It was no where near as traumatic as yours, I should be thankful, but strangely, I am not.

At times, I actually cringed for the choices you made and yelled at you for making them. I may even have cursed you a few times. Okay, a lot of times. Most of my thoughts were “Why would you do that?”! At some points I had to step back and realize at what age you were making those decision. I found myself judging you over and over again. I based what you were doing on my 48 years of living. Not if I would of done something similar at the same age you were. So, as humbling as it is, I realized that I still have a lot to learn about respect and empathy. Thank you for that.

Now, I didn’t realize that you had tested positive for HIV. That broke my heart. I know I have talked about (name omitted) before to you…. He tested positive about 8 years ago. It has been a long road for us, so I am glad to see that you are still doing well after all these years. (name omitted) is mentally tired of it all and there are days that I am in fear of him taking his life. I am going to see him in a few weeks, so will attempt to get him to read this book. Not sure I want to live without my Kindle that long, but if it helps him, then it would be a small price to pay.

Reading your book, I realized we actually had parallel lives. I am not gay, never really suffered from being stigmatized for that, but I still know the pain of being bullied, abused, moving every few years and having a family that I did not feel a part of. I admire you, I respect you and most of all, I am glad you lived to tell your story.

I am happy you have someone in your life that completes you, that is your soul mate. I am so happy for the two of you and wish you nothing but the best that life has to offer.

If you ever make it to Michigan, for publicity or whatnot, let me know… I would love to actually have a chat with you over coffee someday. I am pretty sure there is yet another book in you, let me know once you decide to write it, I will be one of your biggest cheerleaders!

I have to agree with you, I also wish that I had made different choices in my life, but you don’t learn lessons unless you make bad choices, right? I do regret many things, but I wouldn’t take anything back. I basically wrote the same way that I would be telling it to someone in person because I figured it would probably be easier to read for most people who don’t normally like to read. But also, it’s just the only way I know how to tell a story.

There were TONS of things I left out because A they were irrelevant and B because they were TMI LOL. I really wished that I could have added those things, but I was told the masturbation story was too much information, and that was about as TMI as I think it got. I was told to leave it out, but I mean come on, who doesn’t do that, right? I wanted to show that I was human lol.

I probably won’t be able to do a publicity tour since I self published and I don’t have any marketing. Facebook is my only marketing strategy.

Anyway, thank you for your email, I really appreciate the feedback.

Michel McDonald