22 Years!


22 year anniversary cake

My partner and I are celebrating 22 years together today. No we never got married, and we probably won’t due to his and his families religious and political preferences, but that’s okay, because I don’t need a piece of paper or a ring.

I personally didn’t think we would make it the first year because we had our little trivial arguments about trivial things in the first year like all new couples do. You know, because when you are put in a living situation with someone who is practically a stranger, and you know nothing about that person, you both have to adapt to the other person’s personal habits. Like the toilet paper and paper towel situation. Does it go over or under? In my opinion it goes over, but to him it goes under. When we moved to Bakersfield, his mother had it going under too, so obviously he was taught that by his parents, just like I was taught by my parents the correct way (LOL). I also had a bad track record with relationships because my first 3 before my current one always ended after 10 months. Why 10 months I will never know. I guess neither of us were ready to give up on each other over stupid things, so here we are 22 years later.

I bought a cake tonight at the local Albertson’s. You can’t tell from this picture, but it’s one of those small round cakes. It’s 2 layers, and it’s probably 2 slices lol. I also bought some ice cream, chocolate for him and cookies and cream for me.

Well, here’s to another 22 years, if we are both still alive lol. Who knows, perhaps we will be married before we die.


Rush Limbaugh and Shepard Smith’s insensitive comments about Robin Williams’ Suicide


I feel a bit upset tonight. I was on Facebook earlier today when I saw Robin Tyler post a status update from Lewis Black that said:


I wasn’t sure what Rush Limbaugh said, but he is a jerk and everything he says is negative and insensitive. I looked up what he said and here is the quote from Rawstory:

“What is the left’s world view in general?” Limbaugh asked his audience the day after Williams’ death was announced. “If you had to attach, not a philosophy, but an attitude to a leftist world view. It’s one of pessimism, and darkness, sadness. They’re never happy, are they?”

“They’re animated in large part by the false promises of America because the promises of America are not for everyone,” he continued, pointing to a Fox News report that suggested Williams had struggled with financial issues, and survivor’s guilt after the deaths of entertainers like Christopher Reeve, Andy Kaufman and John Belushi.

“Robin Williams felt guilty that he was still alive while his three friends had died young, and much earlier than he had,” the conservative talker explained. “He could never get over the guilt that they died and he didn’t.”

“Well, that is a constant measurement that is made by political leftists in judging the country.”

Listen to the audio from The Rush Limbaugh Program, broadcast Aug. 12, 2014.

Later he tried to back pedal by saying he was misquoted. This is what he had to say:

“[A]ll of these low-rent, despicable, irresponsible, pathetic, so-called media watchdogs on the left are trying to make it sound like I said Robin Williams gave up because he was a liberal, and he’s hopelessly doomed to misery and despair because that’s what liberals are devoted to. And I said no such thing.”

Really? “Low-rent, despicable, irresponsible, pathetic…” Excuse me? This coming from the low-rent, despicable, irresponsible and pathetic man who does drugs, more specifically OxyContin, can’t get an erection, I know this because he was detained in the Domincan Republic for traveling with a prescription of Viagra that was not prescribed to him. He has been married 4 times and I know this because of this article. So let’s not pretend he is an authority on well, anything.

He has no room to talk negative about anyone and frankly he has the biggest balls of steel to even still be on the radio talking trash about other people. I mean, what good has he done in his life? Robin Williams was a good person and he lived a good life. He made everyone happy every time he opened his mouth, what has Rush Limbaugh done to make anyone happy when he opened his mouth? All he does is talk negative trash about everyone, unless they are conservatives, then he praises them, even when they do stupid things.

Instead of saying negative things about the man, just shut the fuck up! I apologize for my language but I’m at that point where it’s going to come out.

Shepard Smith called Robin Williams a coward just hours after he committed suicide. HOURS! Can you believe that? He later apologized for it, but it’s still out there.

“Something inside you is so horrible or you’re such a coward or whatever the reason that you decide that you have to end it. Robin Williams, at 63, did that today,”

You cannot give your opinion about something that you know nothing about. If you have never suffered through depression or even contemplated suicide, then you have no right to talk negatively about someone who has.

I have suffered, and am still suffering through depression. I have PTSD from my childhood. I have been depressed since I was a child. People who are depressed don’t let anyone know they are depressed, so they put up a front to make it look like they are happy. I’m constantly trying to lighten the mood by cracking jokes or making puns because I want people to think I’m happy.

Suicide is not a decision to be taken lightly. It is not easy, and you are not a coward. If you have thought about taking your own life, it is not something that you just decide to do, then do it. You have to be going through some really bad stuff for a long time and be wishing you were dead throughout that long time. You don’t just decide today I’m going to kill myself. That comes from years of depression and years of people treating you like crap.

I attempted suicide for the first time when I was around 12 or 13 years old. I didn’t just decide today is the day, no this was after years of being treated like crap by my step father. My sister had started treating me like crap when I was 9 years old, and by the time I decided to commit suicide, my baby sister had joined in on the fun. I was also being beat up at school because I was gay and being called names like fag, faggot, mother fucker, asshole… you name it, I was called it. My step father had been calling me a sissy since I learned to walk and when I was 12 or 13 made a comment that “he wished they would put all the faggots on an island and kill them all” right in front of me. My sister started calling me a bastard when I was 9 and a mother fucker when I was 11. Just imagine what I was going through on a daily basis. So yeah, I was severely depressed and severely suicidal.

How did I try to commit suicide you ask? Well, it started out punching myself in the face in my bedroom. Not because I was trying to get a bruise so I could say my family did it to me because I knew I didn’t bruise, but because I was punishing myself every time they punished me. Then I started to choke myself by holding my finger right on the spot on my neck where the airway was. I would hold it for as long as I could. Sometimes I would hold it until my natural reaction was to let go to breathe again, but then I would just keep holding it until I had passed out. I would wake up in the morning and be pissed off at myself because I thought it would work. Of course when I did that, it was while I was laying in bed. I wanted it to look like I went to sleep and just didn’t wake up. I tried that nearly every night for months.

There are other times that I tried to commit suicide that I wrote about in my book in detail, so if you want to read those stories, buy my book.

All I’m saying is, you cannot judge a person based on why they committed suicide, because you simply do not know what is going on in their private lives to make that judgment. So next time you say that it was because of this or that, well you just don’t know and you should get the facts before you say anything. I don’t know why he committed suicide and I will never know.

I am so beyond sad that he died, but I was so happy that this world had such an awesome man entertain us for so many years. It kills me inside that he died and it kills me even more that people have to be such assholes by saying such horrible things about him.

Rest in peace you wonderful funny man. I loved you so much and I will never forget you.

DOMA Unconstitutional and the Repeal of Prop 8



Today is a glorious day for LGBT Americans. The Supreme Court of the United States ruled the Defense of marriage act to be unconstitutional. That means that the federal government will recognize the marriage of all Americans, not only heterosexual marriages.

This is a huge step for humanity in my opinion. Although not everyone will agree with me because they believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. Love is love, period. It is none of anyone’s business who loves whom. Period, end of debate. It’s pretty arrogant for anyone to say that my 19 year relationship is less important than Kim Kardashian’s 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries.

We in California will not be able to get married for probably another month, if that, but I do believe that this will boost our bad economy since people will be buying wedding gifts for their friends who will finally be able to get married. So stock up on toasters and blenders while they are still on store shelves.

#MarriageEquality #LoveIsLove #Prop8 #DOMA #DecisionDay

gay toaster

I am mentioned in this article from Examiner.com – Central California gay community celebrates DOMA decision by Greg Fields

Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day


I haven’t posted in awhile and I apologize for that.  I am here to talk about what happened yesterday because it seems that people were/are very confused and/or ignorant about the facts in the case of “Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day.”

You may have noticed that people are outraged that gay people have the audacity to boycott this Christian Atlanta based fast food giant.  People aren’t aware of all the facts, they judge us before they know what’s happening because the media is not telling them what is happening.  They are just telling you that we are evil for hating Chick-Fil-A and that we are all heathens for boycotting a Christian company because they spoke out against gay marriage.  That’s not the whole story.

You have to understand that gay people aren’t upset over their opinion because we expect them to say they are against gay marriage because they are a Christian company.  The thing that was upsetting to us was that they have spent nearly $5 million dollars on anti-gay causes and then made the statement that they are “guilty as charged.”  That was what fueled this whole thing.  Take a look at this.

If you don’t see why we are so outraged by this, then I really don’t know what else to say.  Exodus International alone is enough to piss us off because they took that money and they weren’t even able to do what they said they were doing.  They apologized to gay people for what they did AND they left their wives because THEY WERE GAY!  They took your money to convert gay people to straight and it was all for nothing.

Not convinced?  Take a look at this article from The Advocate.  Chick-Fil-A Donates $2 Mil to Antigay Groups.  They donated $2 million in 2010, they also donated $2 million in 2009.  Do you really think this is all about our religious bigotry now?  Why is a restaurant spending so much money to fund hate?  I mean, isn’t religion supposed to be about love and doing what Jesus would do (WWJD)?  Do you think Jesus Christ would approve of such behavior coming from a Christian based fast food restaurant?  No, I don’t think he would.

Thanks to Mike Huckabee for (allegedly) lying to his viewers by not giving them these facts when he told them that there should be a Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day which spawned this “Top 50 Homophobic Chick-Fil-A Tweets (with images).”

I think that I’ve seen and heard enough hatred in my 42 years from being bullied by my step-father and sister, school bullies and other homophobic people in my life that I am no longer shocked, but some of those tweets shook me to the core.  I mean I was literally shaking and my stomach was in knots.  Take a look.

  • Love chick fil a, even more so now that they hate fags. Thank gawd i can eat my chicken without the risk of getting aids!
  • I want some Chick-Fil-A, I also want some faggots to die
  • If I was Chick Fil A’s owner, I’d be happy that gay ppl protesting nshit. I wouldn’t want them filthy HIV+ fags eating my good chicken.
  • Stfu about chickfila if your a fag you shouldn’t go out in public, its just a successful business doing it the right way
  • If any body sees fags kissing in front of Chick-fil-a please feel free to hit them with you car.

Those were all that I could stomach before I had to stop reading the rest.  That last person told people to murder gay people with their car if they see them kissing in front of a Chick-Fil-A.  Is this how Jesus would want you people to talk?  I don’t think so.  What would Jesus do in this situation?  I think he would ask for all of the facts before he made a decision and I think he would side with the gay people on this.  He certainly wouldn’t condone murdering someone.  It is in the 10 commandments “Thou shall not kill.”  There is a passage about killing people for working on the sabbath, you don’t see people tweeting to kill people for working on Sunday do you?  No because it is illegal to murder people.

African American people fought for their freedom when they were slaves.  Women fought for their equality and the right to vote.  African Americans and Caucasion people fought for their rights to marry and that is all we are trying to do.  We just want a piece of paper giving us the same rights that heterosexual people have so that we can visit our life partners in the hospital and so we can bury them when they die and not be kicked out of our own houses because their family doesn’t recognize our relationship as being valid.

Someone posted a comment today saying that someone said that “Gay people have all the same freedoms that straight people have.  They have the freedom to marry the OPPOSITE sex if they want to.”

Put yourself in our situation.  Let’s say the roles were reversed and it was that gay people were normal, but straight people were the ones who didn’t have the right to marry.  Would you marry someone of the same sex just because you could?  No, because you would want to be with your spouse, not someone of the same sex.  Tell me you wouldn’t be fighting for what we are fighting for.  Tell me that your wife or your husband would be ok if you left them for someone of the same sex because it was more accepted.  You wouldn’t be ok with it, so why should we be ok with being forced to marry someone of the opposite sex when we aren’t straight?

Next time someone tells you that gay people are only whining about something stupid and insignificant, get the facts before jumping on the bandwagon and calling for the murder of a group of people simply because you don’t agree with how they were born.

My hope is that one day humanity will finally be able to evolve so that there is no more hatred among humanity.  I don’t mean to sound like a hippy, but I’m going to.  Why can’t we all just find peace and stop this fighting?  With peace there will be no more war and everyone can finally love their fellow man the way Jesus had intended it to be in the first place.  In the words of Rodney King may he rest in peace “Why can’t we all just get along?”

Sources: Images were taken from different sources, top one being http://imgur.com/lNItY and Chick-Fil-A $5 Mil chart from Say “NO” to Anti-Gay “Chick-Fil-A” on Facebook.

Update: I didn’t add it before because I didn’t research it enough, but I found an article that has more information about Chick-Fil-A Profits Are Supprting ‘Kill the Gays’ bill in Uganda.  Apparently in 2010, the Family Research Council spent $25,000 lobbying U.S. Congress to NOT condemn Uganda’s ‘Kill the Gays’ bill.  Chick-Fil-A donated $2 million towards these hate groups in 2009 and another $2 million in 2010 to FMC, which is where they got that money to spend on allowing a country to kill their own people based on how they were born.  Disgusting!

We Are Celebrating Our 18 Year Anniversary


Chip and I met on March 25th, 1994 and have been together ever since.  I wrote in my book about how I thought that our relationship wouldn’t go past the 10 month mark because my relationships before only lasted 10 months.  I don’t know what it was about 10 months, but we have stayed together and now it has been 18 years.

I think that this should be a lesson to naysayers who say that a gay relationship cannot last.  I think we have more than proven that love doesn’t have a gender.  We deserve the same rights as every straight married couple out there in the world.

Here is to 18 more wonderful years together and the end of marriage discrimination.

While I have you here, please buy my book, that would be a great anniversary gift for us.  You can buy it for $6.99 for the Nook and the Kindle, you can also get 30% off if you buy it at Rainbow eBooks by typing in the code “GAYNERD” at checkout.

(Note for people buying the ebook from Rainbow eBooks, the .mobi file is for the Kindle and the .epub file is for the Nook.)

Forever Love Rings


Chip and I have been together for a very long time.  Our 18 year anniversary will be on March 25th and to celebrate our love, I am buying rings.  This is the ring that I have chosen because it says “Forever Love” on the top with a cubic zirconia in between the words.  I think it’s a nice color and it would make a great wedding ring if we were ever allowed to get married.

I wear a size 13 and Chip wears a size 7.  It is a humongous difference and the website where I bought my ring doesn’t have it in a size 7.  I haven’t bought his ring yet because I have to find out if they can re-size it because the smallest size they have is 8.  If they don’t then I will have to put a dab of hot glue in his so it doesn’t slip off his skinny finger lol.

This will be the first relationship ring that I have worn in over 20 years.  The last one that I wore was taken away from me by my partner who lost his when he went to jail for drunk driving.  The jail didn’t give him his ring back so he took mine.  I haven’t worn a ring since then and I look forward to finally wearing another ring.

Just in case anyone is wondering, from what I understand gay people wear their rings on the right hand instead of the left hand.  That was how it was in 1991 when I wore my first ring.  If I wore it on the left hand, that says that my relationship is no different from a straight relationship, but I prefer the right hand because I like to be different.  So it shall be the right hand.

My ring wasn’t expensive and not because I’m cheap or because I’m poor, well that second one has something to do with it, but because this is the ring that I want and it just so happens that it was on sale when I bought it for only $24 at JustMensRings.com.  The shipping was only $2 which made it even more worth the small price.  It is coming to me via USPS which means it will take a few days to get to me, maybe longer since it’s coming from Florida.

I can’t wait to get it and I can’t wait to give Chip his ring on our 18 year anniversary later this month.  He doesn’t read this blog so don’t tell him… it’s a secret.

Wonder Woman (Book Excerpt)


I was excited and have been waiting for the new Wonder Woman to appear on TV, but sadly I hear it will never see the light of day.  I really don’t understand why because it is such a wonderful story; I think it should be back on the air.  It doesn’t matter who plays Wonder Woman, as long as the show is made that’s all I care about.

Adrianne Palicki was supposed to play Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman and I recall a big stink about her updated costume which people hated.  I actually didn’t like the first costume that they showed because it had pants, but I mean seriously, I don’t really care if she wears pants or a bathing suit, as long as the show is on TV.  I mean, can’t she have a few different outfits?

Ok so here is a clip from the show we will never get to see:


The thing that most people don’t know about me is that I hold Wonder Woman dear to my heart because she helped me get through the bullying when I was in junior high school in the early 80’s.  Here is an excerpt from my book.

“I hated going to school because I had to watch my back every day. I had to keep an eye out from all sides because it could happen again when I least expected it. I stayed out of open spaces and would only walk against the walls. I was always looking back as if I thought I was being followed, which I usually was. I hated being paranoid all the time.

“When I ran home, I was always home in time to watch Wonder Woman. I loved that show because she stood up to the bullies to protect those who were being bullied. I fell in love with the notion of a super hero because I needed one to come and save me. If none could come and save me, then at least I could watch them save others on television every day after school.”

It wasn’t just Wonder Woman, it was Lynda Carter who saved my sanity every day after school.  She is such a wonderful person and I will always remember and love her for her role as Wonder Woman for as long as I live.

I was waiting for this show to come back and now I’m afraid I will never see it.  This show meant something to me and I had hoped that if it could help me with the bullies, then perhaps it could help someone else who needed it.  I would love to appeal to the corporate heads or whoever is in charge of making decisions about what show makes it to air.  If this isn’t enough for them to reconsider, then I have no more hope.