National Coming Out Day

Today is national coming out day and although I have already come out, I wanted to share my coming out story.

I knew I was gay when I was very young. When I learned to walk, I somehow decided that I wanted to walk on my tippy toes. I was capable of walking on my heels, I just didn’t want to and so as a result my step-father started calling me a sissy, which was a nice way to call a toddler a fag. He had the doctor put braces on my legs and I was forced to wear combat boots to keep me from walking on my toes.

When I was 12, he would see news stories about the gay and lesbian protesters who were seeking equality in the early 80’s and would tell me that all the fags should be put on an island and shot. I heard that a few times. There were many suicide attempts because I was so terrified of what would happen if my parents found out that I was gay and because I was being beat up in school because the other kids thought I was gay.

When I was 15 I met my first boyfriend and my family had to leave where we were living and I gave him my PO Box address to keep in contact with me, but I didn’t know that my parents were reading the letters and throwing them in the trash. I was homeless when I was 15. They were forced to take me back in about 6 months later. 2 months after my 17th birthday I was homeless again after my mother confronted me about the letters that they had been reading every week for 2 years.

Since then I have had such a hard time telling people that I was gay, even co-workers because when I finally did tell them, they would turn on me. One minute we were the best of friends, the next minute they couldn’t even look me in the eye because they were so disgusted by me. Now I don’t wait for a long time before telling people I am gay because if I tell them right away, then I don’t have to waste any time and I don’t get my heart broken when they reject me. Maybe that’s why I don’t have very many friends, because I’m afraid of being rejected.

I have always said that I am not looking for acceptance, but we all know that’s a big fat lie, especially when it is a family member or a close friend. I don’t seek acceptance from strangers though, so that is why it is easier to come out to strangers. Anyway, that’s my coming out story.

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