Carpal Tunnel Surgery

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I have some good news and I have some bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Oh, this is a blog, so you can’t respond. Ok so I will give you the bad news first lol.

The Bad News: My carpal tunnel is getting worse. I’m in pain daily. The numbness is annoying because it’s all the time, and my left hand ring finger is permanently numb and sometimes it hurts really bad. In fact it hurts right now.

The Good News: I talked to my doctor the other day and she asked me if I was ready to have the surgery and I said yes, absolutely. So she faxed a referral to a carpal tunnel surgery clinic here in Bakersfield and they called me to make an appointment for September, which I assume is just a consultation.

So here is more bad news and good news.

The bad news is I will not be able to make any custom items for awhile. I have a current custom order for October for friendship bracelets and after I finish making those, I can’t do any more until the surgery.

The good news is my Etsy shop will still be there to buy anything that I have that is already made and packaged. So head on over to GayNerd.Etsy.com and see what you like and don’t forget to use the coupon GAYNERD for 10% off your order. I still have plenty of items available.

I probably won’t be able to go back to making bracelets or keychains for several months after the surgery. I don’t think the surgery will happen in September, I won’t know when it will happen until I go to my first appointment, but I expect I will be back to normal some time next year.

So I want to thank everyone who has ordered from my Etsy shop in the past and I do look forward to making more creations in the future.

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23 And Me

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My life partner sent me this article last night about a 79 year old woman who took a DNA test and found her brother who then told her that her 100 year old mother was still alive.

Adopted woman, 79, meets her 100-year-old biological mom for the first time, after believing she was dead but then finding out she lives just 70 MILES away

It got me thinking, I’ve been searching for my father, but because I only had a picture and no name or social security number to go by, I really didn’t have any information to actually look for him, so I gave up. I found a picture of a man who looked like the guy in the picture that I have, but that was an obituary picture and he was much older, because obviously time has passed lol.

Anyhoo, I was thinking, what if I bought one of these DNA kits from 23 and Me that can show me if I have any living relatives that I didn’t know about? I think it is worth checking out. I will obviously have to put it on a credit card because I don’t have money, but I think I want to do it.

If I do do it, I will record video of myself through every step and put it on YouTube. It will take months of waiting for me to complete this video because first I’ll have to buy the kit on the website and it might take a week to get here, maybe a couple of days, but then it could take 4 to 6 weeks to get my results via email. But I’ve waited my whole life, what’s another 2 months eh?

I am excited and nervous at the same time. I’m excited for obvious reasons, I want to know if I have any siblings out there, and if I do, do they look like me? Or do I look like them? I’m nervous because I have many things in my life that I have been rejected by family and friends for already. My step father rejected me by telling me he wishes they would put all the, and I quote “faggots on and island and shoot them” when I was 13 years old. My mother even called me a faggot when she confronted me about being gay and told me I was going to hell. My older sister told me I was going to hell for being gay. I’ve had to quit jobs after coming out of the closet to people, and I’ve lost friends when they found out.

Other factors are the fact that I was diagnosed with HIV in 1991, and then diagnosed with AIDS in 1994. When I was diagnosed with AIDS I was advised by the doctor of the hospital to just go apply for disability because you can’t work now. Disability gives me medical insurance which helps with doctor visits since I have to see a doctor several times a year, and it pays for my HIV meds. Without medication, I will die. It’s literally the only reason I’m still alive today. I was dead in the water in 2000 when I had 50 t-cells, then the doctor at the clinic I go to now changed my meds and, well, I’m still alive.

My aunt who used to live in Simi Valley made it crystal clear to me when I visited her recently in her new home in Oregon that under no circumstances am I allowed to have a political opinion because she worked her whole life, she earned it. I skated through life on disability, so I did not earn the right to even have an opinion on anything, especially if it’s not the same opinion as hers. Basically, what I’m saying is what if they reject me for political reasons? I’m a liberal democrat, what if they are all conservative republicans and all they want to do is yell at me like my aunt?

And finally, what if I am the subject of ridicule because of the circumstances for which I was given life? My mother basically slept with a married man. The way my aunt tells the story, he was separated from his wife, and so they were in a relationship. I mean, she left that part out when she told me about him before I wrote my book, but still, what if they reject me for the very fact that my mother slept with and got pregnant by a married man? I have no judgement toward her for getting pregnant by a married man, but other people might, especially if my mother is the reason my real father and his wife were separated. They might take their anger out on me.

What if I do find my family and they don’t care about any of that and they welcome me into their family with open arms and they actually love me? That’s the dream right there. That’s the fantasy I’ve had my entire life. Finding my real father and he’s still alive and he wants me in his life and he loves me unconditionally.

I think negative about the whole thing because that’s how I’ve had to think my entire life. Expect the worst, but hope for the best. If it turns out bad then at least I tried, but if it turns out good, then at least I tried and it worked out.

I will start recording myself the day I decide to buy the DNA kit on their website and I will record myself along the way. The video isn’t going to be as exciting or good quality, but I work with what I have.

To be continued…

#MeToo

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I am very proud of Rose McGowan and Tarana Burke for starting a movement that exposes Hollywood executives, producers, directors, actors, and anyone who physically and/or sexually assaulted anyone, man, woman or child. Yes, men can be sexually assaulted as in the case of Kevin Spacey who is accused of allegedly sexually assaulted countless teenage males. We are also familiar with Corey Feldman’s story of sexual abuse by members of the entertainment industry in Hollywood. The casting couch has never been a secret, in fact, it’s been joked about for decades. We all know that some actors male and female have to perform certain… how should I say… jobs? to be cast in the role they are seeking.

None of us are completely in the know about all the details of all the accusations where any person accuses someone else of abuse. Someone accuses someone else of x y and z and without any proof we all believe them because we are conditioned to believe the accuser even when the accused deny the allegations, and the accused are guilty until proven innocent, wait… no, that’s not right, they are innocent until proven guilty. Right?

Now you are probably saying to yourself, but Mike, you have accused your step father and many family members of psychological and physical abuse towards you, and we’re supposed to believe you, right? Well, I have left that up to you to believe me, but I don’t expect anyone to believe me. My sister was there, she saw it first hand, yet she calls me a liar. She was also one of my abusers and she is telling people that I was the abuser. And this is my point. I don’t expect anyone to believe me because honestly I have absolutely zero proof of anything. I have witnesses, my aunt from Simi Valley who we lived with for a year. I also have other aunts who witnessed a lot of the abuse, but they only witnessed maybe 5% of all the abuse I took because it was mostly all in private. Even my own mother and my 2 sisters only witnessed 5% because they weren’t always present. So I invite you to believe what you want to believe based on my stories.

What if a accused celebrity says now hold on a minute, yeah we had our arguments, what relationship doesn’t have occasional fights? That doesn’t mean I physically, psychologically or sexually abused them. Take what Chris Hardwick said in his article on the Fox News website. Believe me, I didn’t want to link from them, this article was sent to me and I searched for the same quote from another website, and I found articles on websites that I’d never heard of, so I didn’t want to be accused of “fake news” so here it is from Fox.

“These are very serious allegations and not to be taken lightly which is why I’ve taken the day to consider how to respond,” he said in a statement Friday night, according to the website. “I was heartbroken to read Chloe’s post. Our three year relationship was not perfect—we were ultimately not a good match and argued—even shouted at each other—but I loved her, and did my best to uplift and support her as a partner and companion in any way and at no time did I sexually assault her.”

“When we were living together, I found out that Chloe had cheated on me, and I ended the relationship,” Hardwick continued. “For several weeks after we broke up, she asked to get back together with me and even told me she wanted to have kids with me, ‘build a life’ with me and told me that I was ‘the one,’ but I did not want to be with someone who was unfaithful,” he added.

“I’m devastated to read that she is now accusing me of conduct that did not occur. l was blindsided by her post and always wanted the best for her. As a husband, a son, and future father, I do not condone any kind of mistreatment of women.”

I have been a fan of Chris since I saw him hosting the show Ship Mates in the 90’s. I was absolutely crushed when I saw the allegations against him by Chloe and I tended to want to believe her too since I don’t think she has any reason to lie, but again, I don’t even know these people. I can wish something wasn’t true because I am a huge fan of them, but I was not there, so I can’t say who I should believe. I am reserving my judgement against either of them because it’s really none of my business. Who am I?

I saw a tweet from actor Robert Kazinsky today backing up Chloe’s claim.

There are several tweets from him on the subject, so go read them and decide for yourself. Also, read the comments on this particular tweet.

At first I was thinking ok why is Robert Kazinsky tweeting on behalf of Chloe? Well, it could be because they are currently in a relationship, so what I see is a guy who is just defending his girlfriend. So, once again I am reserving my judgement because like I said before, who am I? I’m nobody. In fact, who is even going to read this? I hardly ever blog so I’m most likely just talking to myself right now.

Why don’t I want to trust or believe anyone’s word? Well, here’s a great example. Remember this? 10 Years Later, The Duke Lacrosse Rape Case Still Stings. It was actually 12 years ago. This article is from 2 years ago.

The media’s coverage of the case inflamed race, gender and class divisions locally and nationally. But upon further investigation by North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper, Mangum’s allegations were deemed false. Cooper exonerated the students, saying in April 2007, “We have no credible evidence that an attack occurred.”

Here is an example of how someone tried to ruin Aziz Ansari’s life.

I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life

Here is an interview on NPR

Grace says that things got physical at Aziz Ansari’s apartment after dinner. They kissed. He performed oral sex on her. He asked her to do the same. She briefly did. He was eager to have sex. She says she would try to move away from him and used, quote, “verbal and non-verbal cues” to show she was uncomfortable with the situation. Yet he kept trying. She eventually says she’s going to call a car. He gets her an Uber, and she leaves. And she feels violated.

Someone being uncomfortable with a situation doesn’t mean he raped her. He performed oral sex on her, then she on him, right? Then she probably had time to think about what she was doing and she probably felt uncomfortable and decided she was done. But in no way does that mean he raped her. You can’t use a powerful movement against a person because you felt uncomfortable performing oral sex on someone after you asked them to perform oral sex on you. You don’t have that right to try to ruin someone’s life over something you regretted doing. I’ve done more with a person I felt uncomfortable with, but at no point in my life have I ever tried to ruin their life just because there was a movement that I could take advantage of. I’ve been raped, I know what rape feels like. This situation is not a rape situation.

YouTube star Toby Turner was involved in his own controversy several years ago, and in this video he tells his side of the story.

Like I said at the beginning, I applaud Rose McGowan and Tarana Burke for starting a movement, but at the same time it has opened up a huge can of worms where anyone can accuse anyone else of something with absolutely no proof and ruin them for the rest of their life.

I just want to repeat what Toby says. The #MeToo movement is important, but it only works is everyone involved is telling the truth, and unfortunately without proof, we will never know if someone is telling you the truth or not, my story included. So reserve your judgement until actual proof is available.

WOW So a huge update on the Chris Hardwick story. So Chris sent Chloe a text on July 1st 2015 and linked is that text and here is the article from TMZ.

New professional bag sealer for Etsy

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I’ve had my Etsy shop since 2013 when I broke my arm. It’s funny to say that because I had a broken arm and I decided I wanted to start making keychains which required both hands. But I was able to make them with very little pain. I made so many keychains that people told me I should open an Etsy shop, so I did.

I only started packaging them a couple years ago, before that I just had everything in a drawer. I decided it would be easier to find things if I had them packaged in plastic bags with folded business card sized card stock hung up on the side of my desk. I had some plastic bags meant for loaves of bread which I bought specifically for my bread machine, and I bought a battery powered bag sealer which not only sealed the bags, but also cut them to size, so that’s how I discovered I could make my own bags. But, that plastic was too thin and could tear too easily, so that’s why I bought the bag sealer and roll of poly tubing plastic roll in the image above.

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So as you can see I have organized everything that is hanging on the side of my desk. Keychains, paracord bracelets, stud earrings, beaded bracelets, friendship bracelets and kumihimo bracelets, then beaded rings and knitting supplies. All the hanging earrings and packages of 8 pairs of stud earrings are all boxed up in a drawer and I currently have 1 beaded bracelet in a box on top of my desk above these hanging items. I don’t quite have enough craft items to actually open up a shop, that’s why I have an Etsy shop.

I probably don’t get enough orders to warrant a bag sealer and a professional roll of poly tubing plastic, but if I do get a sale, I at least want them to look and feel professional.

Everything is handmade and hypoallergenic, and it took a long time to make this stuff. I only buy quality ingredients like DMC and Loops and Threads embroidery floss, Pepperell plastic lanyard and paracord. I buy hypoallergenic earring hooks and plastic earring stems and rubber ear nuts from Etsy. I have very sensitive ears, I’m allergic to basically everything and I wore earring hooks and the plastic stems each for 48 hours to make sure they were hypoallergenic, because if they don’t work with my sensitive skin, they probably won’t work for yours. I wouldn’t sell something that will harm someone.

So please visit GayNerd.Etsy.com and help me make my credit card payments lol.

My YouTube Channel

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I posted a video from a TV show onto YouTube on my original channel called Xanapus several years ago and it went a little viral. When I say viral, I don’t mean it had millions of views, I mean it got about 20k views or so. Since then it has around 45k views. Anyway, when it had reached a certain number of views, YouTube handed me monetization on a silver platter. Wonderful, right? Well, today they took it away from me.

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So here’s the new rule. In order for me to be monetized, I need 1000 subscribers and I  need to have 4,000+ watch time minutes per month. Well, I have the minute views, I just need the subscribers. I currently have 548 subscribers (as of right this very second) and I am sure that number will grow, eventually, but I don’t think it will go up if I don’t beg people to subscribe to my YouTube channel, so here I am, on bended knee, but not really because I have bad knees lol, but you know what I mean.

By the way, I am not relying on monetization for an income, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to receive a check for $100 every now and then. I’m on a very limited income with Disability, and I was getting $100 every few years from YouTube, and it did help when I was getting them because then I could actually afford to buy groceries. I am not dying of hunger though, so don’t feel obligated, I’m just saying everything helps, you know what I mean?

I cannot make good quality videos with the equipment I have because all I have is my phone, which apparently takes horrible grainy video in my bedroom. I have acceptable lighting with my desk light and my craft light and I have a cell phone mount that attaches to my desk. I don’t have an acceptable space to film since the only place I can record is my bedroom on the edge of my bed. My life partner of almost 24 years doesn’t take my vlogging seriously. In fact, he looks at me like he’s about to 5150 me every time he sees me talking to the phone lol. He thinks it’s OK for other people, but not me, so I literally have to wait for him to get on the phone with someone, sleep, or leave to be able to film. We have a good relationship, he just doesn’t take anything I do seriously. He didn’t even want me to write or publish my book. Besides all that, I have a brand new computer, so editing video doesn’t take forever like it used to, but I am terrible at editing and the video is still grainy from the phone, so my bad editing is another reason I have terrible videos.

All that said, I still ask that people subscribe to my boring bad quality, no good editing and no effects channel lol.

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE LOL.

Here’s my channel. www.YouTube.com/DiaryofaGayNerd. Thank you for your time and thank you for subscribing.

UPDATE: I have to make an update here because I do believe I have misunderstood the terms of monetization. Here is an email I received from YouTube explaining to me what criteria I must meet to be eligible.

As of today, your channel, Diary of a Gay Nerd will no longer have access to monetization tools associated with YPP because it doesn’t meet the new threshold of 4,000 hours of watch time within the past 12 months and 1,000 subscribers. If you meet the new threshold at some point in the future, you’ll be automatically re-evaluated for YPP. The reviews typically take 1-2 weeks.

So when I originally read the requirements, I wasn’t paying attention to the word hours, I thought it said minutes, and I assumed that because when I looked at the stats (screenshot from above) it shows minutes. When I saw the email today, I saw that it said hours and it gave me a little more of an understanding.

Here is a screenshot of the last years worth of views, and again, it only shows minutes, it doesn’t show hours.

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I Googled how many hours is 54,894 minutes and the answer is 914.9 hours. So… I do not in fact meet the hours requirements. I bet if I had more videos (I currently have 97) and if I had more followers, those yearly watch time hours will rise to meet the requirement.

Again, not in any hurry. I’m not desperate, so no big deal.

Antigay pastor and wife arrested after he’s busted for luring kids with candy then molesting them

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I saw this article on Queerty and shared it on my Facebook page and I wanted to talk about what the F is wrong with the story. Here is a quote that basically outlines the story.

An Indiana pastor accused of child molestation and his doting wife were both arrested this week.

72-year-old Garry Evans is, er, was the pastor of the Rushville Baptist Temple in Rushville, Indiana where he regularly preached about the evils of homosexuality for nearly three decades.

Last October, he was arrested after several girls from his church, all under the age of 10, told their parents he had lured them into his office with candy then touched them inappropriately. Evans made bond as was released from custody.

Ok, so this guy who preached for 30 years that gay people are evil was arrested for luring children under 10 years of age with candy to touch them inappropriately.  This is what these pastors say about gay people and why we are so evil, but he’s the one doing these evil acts.

Well, now, he’s back in jail. This time for trespassing and resisting law enforcement.

Earlier this week, Evans and his wife Gay stormed their son’s property. Apparently he and his parents had a falling out after the sex scandal broke last October.

The Evans circled their son’s yard then banged on the door. When their daughter-in-law told them they “weren’t welcome there,” they refused to leave and remained screaming and yelling on the front porch until the daughter-in-law chased them off with a baseball bat.

Police were called. According to reports, when they intervened, Evans and his wife became “verbally abusive and physically resisted officers.” They were arrested. Gay eventually posted bond and was released, but Garry remains in custody.

This isn’t even where I begin to start wondering what planet I’m on, keep reading.

After getting home, Gay allegedly left her estranged son several threatening voicemails, which her daughter-in-law then shared on Facebook.

“I just got out of jail,” she said in one of the messages. “I hope you’re a very happy, son. Your daddy is in there and he’s probably going to be staying in there. What is wrong with you? You are sick!

Other family members also joined in on the attacks.

“This is insane,” another voicemail from a different family member said. “What the f*ck is wrong with you, you stupid idiot?”

“You’re fine with them arresting your 72-year-old father and 70-year-old mother? Really? Really? Are you that big of a piece of scum?” said a third person in a third voicemail.

A jury trial in the molestation case is scheduled for March 20, 2018.

This is what confuses me. This pastor is molesting children, right? Are you with me? This guys mother basically harasses her son and his wife, then she says

“I just got out of jail,” she said in one of the messages. “I hope you’re a very happy, son. Your daddy is in there and he’s probably going to be staying in there. What is wrong with you? You are sick!

She tells her son HE is sick? Her husband was molesting children, and she was a freaking part of it, and she’s calling her son sick? Am I living in the Twilight Zone?

And the family members are calling the son and leaving messages saying things like:

“This is insane,” another voicemail from a different family member said. “What the f*ck is wrong with you, you stupid idiot?”

“You’re fine with them arresting your 72-year-old father and 70-year-old mother? Really? Really? Are you that big of a piece of scum?” said a third person in a third voicemail.

This is where I start cursing, so if you are easily offended, close the blog now.

WHAT THE FUCK! What in the actual fuck am I reading? These family members are chewing out the son who did nothing by the way. His fucking father is diddling little girls, and they are calling the son sick and insane and saying what the fuck is wrong with you? They should be focusing their anger on the guy who was molesting children, not the son, who I will repeat, DID NOTHING WRONG!

Stop the Earth, I want to get off. I’m done. I’m so sick of people.

New HP Printer and Dell Desktop Computer

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HP OffioceJet Pro 6968

Well it has certainly been an interesting month for me and my computer. First my Kodak printer stopped working, then my computer.

So this is how it all started. My Kodak printer wouldn’t print anything. I found out the hard way that the only way to print was to start a print job, then reboot the computer. When Windows began to load, I would type in my Microsoft password and then my printer would immediately begin to print. You shouldn’t have to go through that just to print something. I don’t know if it was a software or hardware issue, but eventually it just wouldn’t print at all. I don’t get a lot of orders through my Etsy shop, and naturally someone bought a knitted hat, and there was nothing I could do, so I had to bring it to the post office to mail. It ended up costing more to ship at the post office than it normally would by printing a shipping label from the Etsy website. I also had to buy a bigger envelope, which I didn’t take into consideration when I created the listing. Lessons!

I bitched and complained about the lack of a printer, and my partner decided he was sick of hearing about it and he actually thought I was hinting around that this was what I wanted for Christmas, so he bought me a new printer a few days before Christmas at Office Depot. It’s a HP OfficeJet 6869. My partner also wanted to buy me ink so I wouldn’t have to buy more ink just in case I printed a lot of stuff and they didn’t put a bunch of ink in the box, and I believe the new ink was $76 give or take. When we got it home I discovered I could get their ink service for only $5 a month and I can print 100 pages every month and they automatically mail me more ink when my printer tells them I’m running low. I guess after 10 pages my printer told them I needed more ink, so I have a box of ink sitting next to the new printer so I have it on hand when I need it. Awesome. Oh, we returned the ink that my partner bought. No need to keep it if I get ink directly from HP.

Dell Inspiron 3668

I was sitting on my bed playing Destiny 2 one night about a week ago when I noticed my computer had rebooted on its own. I looked over and saw the Windows logo on the screen, and I thought OK, no big deal, just a Windows update. I ignored it and continued playing my video game. After an hour I looked at my monitor again and it was still the same Windows logo screen, no change. I thought it was a little odd, so I hit the reset button, which didn’t do anything, the Windows logo appeared again, and nothing else happened for a couple of hours. I pressed and held the power button until it switched off, then I pushed the power button again to turn it back on. It loaded a screen telling me it was repairing Windows, so I let it do that, well, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Once it loaded Windows, and I entered my password, I thought it was finished, so I went back to my game only to look at my computer monitor to see the Windows logo on my screen… AGAIN! I thought OK, it has to update, perhaps it really needs to update and because my computer is slow, maybe it will take a long time.

I let it sit there for 24 hours and thought if it doesn’t work then I guess I need a new hard drive. We went to Office Depot and I brought the manual for my motherboard and I printed all the specs out for my computer and I handed those to a sales person and asked him if a new hard drive would be compatible with these specs. He went to the back of the store and came back about 5 minutes later telling me any hard drive will work. He brought me over to the hard drives and I saw they had a Sata 1TB hard drive, so I said OK, I’ll take that one. Then I noticed they had 2TB for $14 more and thought well I might as well get that one. So I asked for the 2TB one and he brought it out. I bought it, we came home and I went to install it, only to discover it didn’t come with a Sata cable, and I didn’t have one, so we went back, and apparently they don’t sell those, so I had to go to The Computer Depot. I bought it for $7. Came home, plugged it in and my screen wouldn’t even turn on… UGH!

We went BACK to Office Depot with the hard drive and I decided screw trying to start over with a new hard drive and trying to continue using 8 year old computer parts, I’ll just buy a new computer, and so I did. I bought a Dell Inspiron 3668 for $479. They credited the hard drive and my partner put $100 towards it, plus he bought me a new wireless Logitech MK520 keyboard and mouse set, which I am typing with now, it’s extremely difficult to type on because my fingers keep falling off the keys and my wrists keep falling off the place where your wrists rest when typing. Although, only my left wrist is resting, my right wrist has learned to hover.

Logitech MK520

So after I got my new computer, I realized I didn’t have the VGA cable for my monitor. UGH! What else could go wrong? We had already made 3 trips to Office Depot, and I figured it’s late, it has a HDMI, so I can just plug it into my TV for now, we can get the VGA cable tomorrow, which we did.

Connectland USB 2.0 External Enclosure for 3.5-Inch SATA/IDE Hard Drive CL-ENC35008

When I bought the new Dell Inspiron Desktop from Office Depot I asked them if they had hard drive enclosures so I could get my files from my old hard drive, and of course they didn’t sell those, naturally. We went back to The Computer Depot the next day for the VGA cable, and I asked them about the hard drive enclosure and they had them for Sata only, mine was IDE, so I decided to buy a new one on Amazon for $27 with free shipping. I got it early, thank goodness. It worked, I got all my files back and we all lived happily ever after…  I hope…