Ancestry DNA Kit

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I did the 23andMe DNA test and that was very telling. It told me that I was 99.7% European with the most popular one being 63% British and Irish, 14.4% French and German and then there were very small things like 2.7% Ashkenazi Jewish, 2.2% Scandinavian, 0.6% Iberian, 0.3% Italian, 14.7% Broadly Northwestern European, 1.0% S Broadly Southern European and 0.8% Broadly European and then there was the unexpected 0.1% Broadly Chinese & Southeast Asian. It also showed me 1016 2nd to distant cousins.

But, none of this helped me with what I was looking for. I was hoping this would have a family tree to show me who my father was. Of course, it didn’t, so I went to Ancestry.com. I had already added myself and my mother, but beyond us, I didn’t know how to add anyone. Then suddenly it said “Potential Mother” and it showed my grandmother and I was like YES! THAT’S HER! Then it showed her “Potential” mother and father, and I was like OMG YES! so every time it said potential mother or father, I would click it to find out more information. I had gone all the way back to 1400 England. My mother, her parents and their parents all came from England and there were a couple from Ireland.

So I suddenly have my mother’s family dating all the way back to the 1400’s. But there’s only 1 person missing, MY father.

Someone from my great grandfather’s line from 23andMe told me to do the Ancestry DNA kit as well, but at the time it was $99 and I just couldn’t do it. I looked today and it was $69, which was about how much 23andMe was when I bought that, so I though ok, well, I can put this on my credit card I guess. I know it’s a bad idea, but I don’t have the money and I really want to find out if this is going to help me find my father.

So more waiting… It said 6-8 weeks. My 23andMe said it would take 6-8 weeks and it only took a month, so I’m not going to stress over how long it will take to get my results. I will keep you posted and I will most likely make another video lol.

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23andMe Results

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23andMeMy 23andMe results finally came after a month. The results weren’t surprising to me because most of the citizens of the United States are European.

They told me I have 1016 DNA Relatives, and they are mostly 2nd to distant cousins. I contacted the first person on the list and found out we are related from my great grandfather’s grandfather. His name was James Lancaster.

My mother never took the time to educate me on who my great grandfather was because my great grandmother and great grandfather had divorced. She married him in 1920, but then she married her second husband in 1964. My great grandfather remaried in 1940. I guess people in my family never speak about those who aren’t in their lives. And I had to find this information out through Ancestry.com.

The whole reason I did this was to find my paternal father, and I still haven’t found him. I did contact a couple more people who were in the list and the surnames in their account did not match with the surnames in my family tree, so I can only assume those are people on my paternal father’s side. I hope we can connect and they can help me put the pieces of the puzzle together.

I made a couple of videos and posted them on YouTube.

23andMe Spit ‘n’ Ship

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I am BEYOND excited right now. Today I received my 23andMe package. I didn’t want to mess any of it up, so I read all the directions, as a person should, and I did exactly what it told me to do. The first thing was that I wasn’t supposed to start spitting into the tube until 30 minutes after I had my last meal, drink or brushed my teeth. So I ate lunch, drank the last of my coffee, brushed my teeth thoroughly, then I set the timer on my phone for 30 minutes, then I started spitting in the tube lol.

Of course, during this 30 minute waiting period I was signing up for their website 23andMe.com and agreeing to everything, filling out all my deets, and of course they wanted to ask me a lot of health questions. I believe I answered 160 questions. After I had spit in the tube and closed it up, I packaged it up and rode my bicycle to the post office and dropped it off. I took a picture of the tracking number on the package so I could track it, and you know I will be obsessively tracking it lol.

I’m not entirely sure how long it will take for my results to come from the minute they receive my package though. I mean, how many of these packages do they receive in a month? It’s very popular right now, so it could very well take 2 or 3 months before I even get anything. I’ve waited since first learning about my paternal father in 1985, so I’ve waited this long, what’s another 2 or 3 months eh?

Not only will I obsessively check the tracking to see when it will arrive at its destination, but I will obsessively check the 23andMe.com website for my results. I will also continue answering as many questions as they need to ask me so my results come back as accurate as possible. Just by answering 160 questions, they said I have responded to more questions than about 45% of people who used one of these kits, so I’m doing pretty good I think.

I made the first part of my video, and I had to cut it short because I was getting choked up just thinking about finally finding my paternal father and possible siblings. When I get the results, I will film my reaction and probably finish the video. Unless of course they find relatives that are actually in the U.S., then I will probably get a train ticket and go see them, then I will continue filming my trip and actually meeting them.

To be continued…

I bought 23 and Me

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A couple of weeks ago I received an email from 23andMe with a free shipping offer. I didn’t buy it because I was waiting for the better offer. I believe a week ago during Amazon Prime Days they had the 23andMe + Health that is normally $200 on sale for $100, but I didn’t buy that because I don’t need to know my health, I just want to find my family. If I find my family and they have health concerns, they will let me know. Also, I think in order to participate in Amazon Prime Days, I would probably need to have Amazon Prime, so I would end up paying $200 anyway, and I just don’t have that kind of money.

Today I was looking on Instagram and I found an ad from 23andMe that said they have a 30% off sale going on right now for summer, and I thought this is it, this is the sale I was waiting for. I highly doubt they are going to offer it for 50% off, so I’m just going to bite the bullet on THIS sale while I can. The price is normally $99, but I got it for $69 plus $9.95 shipping.

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I’m saving $20.05 by using this offer, and I’m sure people will say that’s not a lot of money to save, but it is to me. I don’t have the money to spend, so I had to put it on credit, which I did not want to do, but I really want to find my family.

My mother told me about my real father in 1985 on my 15th birthday, but she didn’t give me much to go on. When I was 19 years old I asked her for more information so I could look for him, but she refused to offer me any help. After she took this information with her to the grave, I thought my search was over. In the mid 90’s I sent his picture to a missing person’s tv show called Unsolved Mysteries, but they rejected me because I had no information. I didn’t have his name and I didn’t have his social security number. So them telling me this made me realize I will never find my real father. In 2001 I finally got back in touch with my aunt from Simi Valley and she gave me some hope with some new information, but it still wasn’t much to go on.

Seeing an article about a woman who found her mother after almost a lifetime because of a service like 23andMe gave me actual hope that maybe I might find my real father, and if not him, at least siblings. So, here I am today, with actual hope that my saliva could possibly help me fill that void in my heart and soul that I might actually find what I’ve been missing for 48 years. And yes, I say 48 years because I always knew my step father wasn’t my real father. The day my mother told me that my “father” wasn’t my real father, I already knew he wasn’t my real father. I had hoped for all those years that he wasn’t my real father because I knew my real father wouldn’t have hated me as much as my step father did. I also knew I wouldn’t have hated him as much as if he were my real father. You just know, you know?

So I don’t know how long this will take to receive this DNA test kit, but when I do receive it, I will film it and wait for my results to put on YouTube.

Carpal Tunnel Surgery

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I have some good news and I have some bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Oh, this is a blog, so you can’t respond. Ok so I will give you the bad news first lol.

The Bad News: My carpal tunnel is getting worse. I’m in pain daily. The numbness is annoying because it’s all the time, and my left hand ring finger is permanently numb and sometimes it hurts really bad. In fact it hurts right now.

The Good News: I talked to my doctor the other day and she asked me if I was ready to have the surgery and I said yes, absolutely. So she faxed a referral to a carpal tunnel surgery clinic here in Bakersfield and they called me to make an appointment for September, which I assume is just a consultation.

So here is more bad news and good news.

The bad news is I will not be able to make any custom items for awhile. I have a current custom order for October for friendship bracelets and after I finish making those, I can’t do any more until the surgery.

The good news is my Etsy shop will still be there to buy anything that I have that is already made and packaged. So head on over to GayNerd.Etsy.com and see what you like and don’t forget to use the coupon GAYNERD for 10% off your order. I still have plenty of items available.

I probably won’t be able to go back to making bracelets or keychains for several months after the surgery. I don’t think the surgery will happen in September, I won’t know when it will happen until I go to my first appointment, but I expect I will be back to normal some time next year.

So I want to thank everyone who has ordered from my Etsy shop in the past and I do look forward to making more creations in the future.

23 And Me

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My life partner sent me this article last night about a 79 year old woman who took a DNA test and found her brother who then told her that her 100 year old mother was still alive.

Adopted woman, 79, meets her 100-year-old biological mom for the first time, after believing she was dead but then finding out she lives just 70 MILES away

It got me thinking, I’ve been searching for my father, but because I only had a picture and no name or social security number to go by, I really didn’t have any information to actually look for him, so I gave up. I found a picture of a man who looked like the guy in the picture that I have, but that was an obituary picture and he was much older, because obviously time has passed lol.

Anyhoo, I was thinking, what if I bought one of these DNA kits from 23 and Me that can show me if I have any living relatives that I didn’t know about? I think it is worth checking out. I will obviously have to put it on a credit card because I don’t have money, but I think I want to do it.

If I do do it, I will record video of myself through every step and put it on YouTube. It will take months of waiting for me to complete this video because first I’ll have to buy the kit on the website and it might take a week to get here, maybe a couple of days, but then it could take 4 to 6 weeks to get my results via email. But I’ve waited my whole life, what’s another 2 months eh?

I am excited and nervous at the same time. I’m excited for obvious reasons, I want to know if I have any siblings out there, and if I do, do they look like me? Or do I look like them? I’m nervous because I have many things in my life that I have been rejected by family and friends for already. My step father rejected me by telling me he wishes they would put all the, and I quote “faggots on and island and shoot them” when I was 13 years old. My mother even called me a faggot when she confronted me about being gay and told me I was going to hell. My older sister told me I was going to hell for being gay. I’ve had to quit jobs after coming out of the closet to people, and I’ve lost friends when they found out.

Other factors are the fact that I was diagnosed with HIV in 1991, and then diagnosed with AIDS in 1994. When I was diagnosed with AIDS I was advised by the doctor of the hospital to just go apply for disability because you can’t work now. Disability gives me medical insurance which helps with doctor visits since I have to see a doctor several times a year, and it pays for my HIV meds. Without medication, I will die. It’s literally the only reason I’m still alive today. I was dead in the water in 2000 when I had 50 t-cells, then the doctor at the clinic I go to now changed my meds and, well, I’m still alive.

My aunt who used to live in Simi Valley made it crystal clear to me when I visited her recently in her new home in Oregon that under no circumstances am I allowed to have a political opinion because she worked her whole life, she earned it. I skated through life on disability, so I did not earn the right to even have an opinion on anything, especially if it’s not the same opinion as hers. Basically, what I’m saying is what if they reject me for political reasons? I’m a liberal democrat, what if they are all conservative republicans and all they want to do is yell at me like my aunt?

And finally, what if I am the subject of ridicule because of the circumstances for which I was given life? My mother basically slept with a married man. The way my aunt tells the story, he was separated from his wife, and so they were in a relationship. I mean, she left that part out when she told me about him before I wrote my book, but still, what if they reject me for the very fact that my mother slept with and got pregnant by a married man? I have no judgement toward her for getting pregnant by a married man, but other people might, especially if my mother is the reason my real father and his wife were separated. They might take their anger out on me.

What if I do find my family and they don’t care about any of that and they welcome me into their family with open arms and they actually love me? That’s the dream right there. That’s the fantasy I’ve had my entire life. Finding my real father and he’s still alive and he wants me in his life and he loves me unconditionally.

I think negative about the whole thing because that’s how I’ve had to think my entire life. Expect the worst, but hope for the best. If it turns out bad then at least I tried, but if it turns out good, then at least I tried and it worked out.

I will start recording myself the day I decide to buy the DNA kit on their website and I will record myself along the way. The video isn’t going to be as exciting or good quality, but I work with what I have.

To be continued…

#MeToo

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I am very proud of Rose McGowan and Tarana Burke for starting a movement that exposes Hollywood executives, producers, directors, actors, and anyone who physically and/or sexually assaulted anyone, man, woman or child. Yes, men can be sexually assaulted as in the case of Kevin Spacey who is accused of allegedly sexually assaulted countless teenage males. We are also familiar with Corey Feldman’s story of sexual abuse by members of the entertainment industry in Hollywood. The casting couch has never been a secret, in fact, it’s been joked about for decades. We all know that some actors male and female have to perform certain… how should I say… jobs? to be cast in the role they are seeking.

None of us are completely in the know about all the details of all the accusations where any person accuses someone else of abuse. Someone accuses someone else of x y and z and without any proof we all believe them because we are conditioned to believe the accuser even when the accused deny the allegations, and the accused are guilty until proven innocent, wait… no, that’s not right, they are innocent until proven guilty. Right?

Now you are probably saying to yourself, but Mike, you have accused your step father and many family members of psychological and physical abuse towards you, and we’re supposed to believe you, right? Well, I have left that up to you to believe me, but I don’t expect anyone to believe me. My sister was there, she saw it first hand, yet she calls me a liar. She was also one of my abusers and she is telling people that I was the abuser. And this is my point. I don’t expect anyone to believe me because honestly I have absolutely zero proof of anything. I have witnesses, my aunt from Simi Valley who we lived with for a year. I also have other aunts who witnessed a lot of the abuse, but they only witnessed maybe 5% of all the abuse I took because it was mostly all in private. Even my own mother and my 2 sisters only witnessed 5% because they weren’t always present. So I invite you to believe what you want to believe based on my stories.

What if a accused celebrity says now hold on a minute, yeah we had our arguments, what relationship doesn’t have occasional fights? That doesn’t mean I physically, psychologically or sexually abused them. Take what Chris Hardwick said in his article on the Fox News website. Believe me, I didn’t want to link from them, this article was sent to me and I searched for the same quote from another website, and I found articles on websites that I’d never heard of, so I didn’t want to be accused of “fake news” so here it is from Fox.

“These are very serious allegations and not to be taken lightly which is why I’ve taken the day to consider how to respond,” he said in a statement Friday night, according to the website. “I was heartbroken to read Chloe’s post. Our three year relationship was not perfect—we were ultimately not a good match and argued—even shouted at each other—but I loved her, and did my best to uplift and support her as a partner and companion in any way and at no time did I sexually assault her.”

“When we were living together, I found out that Chloe had cheated on me, and I ended the relationship,” Hardwick continued. “For several weeks after we broke up, she asked to get back together with me and even told me she wanted to have kids with me, ‘build a life’ with me and told me that I was ‘the one,’ but I did not want to be with someone who was unfaithful,” he added.

“I’m devastated to read that she is now accusing me of conduct that did not occur. l was blindsided by her post and always wanted the best for her. As a husband, a son, and future father, I do not condone any kind of mistreatment of women.”

I have been a fan of Chris since I saw him hosting the show Ship Mates in the 90’s. I was absolutely crushed when I saw the allegations against him by Chloe and I tended to want to believe her too since I don’t think she has any reason to lie, but again, I don’t even know these people. I can wish something wasn’t true because I am a huge fan of them, but I was not there, so I can’t say who I should believe. I am reserving my judgement against either of them because it’s really none of my business. Who am I?

I saw a tweet from actor Robert Kazinsky today backing up Chloe’s claim.

There are several tweets from him on the subject, so go read them and decide for yourself. Also, read the comments on this particular tweet.

At first I was thinking ok why is Robert Kazinsky tweeting on behalf of Chloe? Well, it could be because they are currently in a relationship, so what I see is a guy who is just defending his girlfriend. So, once again I am reserving my judgement because like I said before, who am I? I’m nobody. In fact, who is even going to read this? I hardly ever blog so I’m most likely just talking to myself right now.

Why don’t I want to trust or believe anyone’s word? Well, here’s a great example. Remember this? 10 Years Later, The Duke Lacrosse Rape Case Still Stings. It was actually 12 years ago. This article is from 2 years ago.

The media’s coverage of the case inflamed race, gender and class divisions locally and nationally. But upon further investigation by North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper, Mangum’s allegations were deemed false. Cooper exonerated the students, saying in April 2007, “We have no credible evidence that an attack occurred.”

Here is an example of how someone tried to ruin Aziz Ansari’s life.

I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life

Here is an interview on NPR

Grace says that things got physical at Aziz Ansari’s apartment after dinner. They kissed. He performed oral sex on her. He asked her to do the same. She briefly did. He was eager to have sex. She says she would try to move away from him and used, quote, “verbal and non-verbal cues” to show she was uncomfortable with the situation. Yet he kept trying. She eventually says she’s going to call a car. He gets her an Uber, and she leaves. And she feels violated.

Someone being uncomfortable with a situation doesn’t mean he raped her. He performed oral sex on her, then she on him, right? Then she probably had time to think about what she was doing and she probably felt uncomfortable and decided she was done. But in no way does that mean he raped her. You can’t use a powerful movement against a person because you felt uncomfortable performing oral sex on someone after you asked them to perform oral sex on you. You don’t have that right to try to ruin someone’s life over something you regretted doing. I’ve done more with a person I felt uncomfortable with, but at no point in my life have I ever tried to ruin their life just because there was a movement that I could take advantage of. I’ve been raped, I know what rape feels like. This situation is not a rape situation.

YouTube star Toby Turner was involved in his own controversy several years ago, and in this video he tells his side of the story.

Like I said at the beginning, I applaud Rose McGowan and Tarana Burke for starting a movement, but at the same time it has opened up a huge can of worms where anyone can accuse anyone else of something with absolutely no proof and ruin them for the rest of their life.

I just want to repeat what Toby says. The #MeToo movement is important, but it only works is everyone involved is telling the truth, and unfortunately without proof, we will never know if someone is telling you the truth or not, my story included. So reserve your judgement until actual proof is available.

WOW So a huge update on the Chris Hardwick story. So Chris sent Chloe a text on July 1st 2015 and linked is that text and here is the article from TMZ.